birthday girl

Here are some pictures from the big day! She is still asking for presents, haha! How was everyone's weekend? I spent mine with Megan. We went to a show and saw Catcher play then went for a drive just like we used to do back in first year Music school, haha. It seems so long ago now.

I wore this Smart Set dress with tights and a grey Forever 21 cardigan. I had no idea what to wear, and whenever that happens and I have to dress up, I throw on this dress (no matter what season it is). The small ruffles smooth out my figure and it makes me feel like a million bucks. Do you have any clothes that just make you feel great? I threw on a grey cardigan and grey tights to winterize it a little bit. Megan can let us know what she's wearing in the comment section if she's reading this :)


Trying to get the munchkin to smile for the camera...


Opening presents!
I wear my grandmothers ring on this old necklace I kind of stole on my sister, haha--I love you Nicole!
I never keep rings on my fingers because I always loose them.

I have to run--my daughter is talking to someone on the phone again. God knows who.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Hope everyone has a great day.
xo,
Courtney

ps. Just made the I Can Be Many Things facebook page a little more public. The link's on the blog side bar. If you want to keep in touch, please like it!

i smile

My dearest friends have said I'm MIA and I guess they are right (I MISS YOU TOO). As I have said before, this Christmas comes early at my house so we've spent most of the days preparing. Christmas is all about tradition, routines and events... the people we love and spending time together.

So today, I'm reviewing the past week and filling you in on all the little moments that made me smile.


Downtown Christmas Parade



Doesn't this puppy look so comfy?

Christmas Baking With Maegan



It wouldn't be a day with Maegan without tea ;)


Jeff's Cake Being WAY Better Than Our Cookies


Decorating The Christmas Tree


The little girl's hard work--I don't care that the decorations aren't evenly spaced and that there are only four branches with about 8 bulbs squished on them. We strung the ornaments with glitter elastic this year so that she could help us. We got the most beautiful pictures. She was so excited. Every day she takes them off, lays them on the window ledge and makes a show out of putting them back on. It's priceless.

Going Out To Supper With My Sister


Pajama Princess

This princess wouldn't go to sleep without her TuTu. Seriously. I'm not making this up. Here is proof! 

I've got an updated set of goals for December and an outfit planned for the rest of the week.

Hope everyone had a great week! Fill me in!
xo,
Courtney

christmas in my house

(written on November 6, 2011)

this may be early to post this, but none the less. halloween has come and gone and we have christmas to look forward to. plus i spent today listening to christmas music and watching the classic "rudolph the red nosed reindeer". it was my daughter's first time watching it. i had to fight very hard not to break down and sob through the entire movie. the magic of christmas lies in our children's eyes. watching her live inside the film and reacting to the story is so priceless.

i know many parents now-a-days who refuse to lie to their children. they don't tell them about santa clause. they don't have our traditional fairy tale christmas. i salute them and respect their decision. i even think it's a great idea in some ways. but i choose a different path. i don't feel like i am ruining my daughter's childhood, creating lies to hurt her or teaching her that lying is okay by telling her santa clause is real. my mother told me santa clause was real and i believed her. when i found out santa wasn't real, i did my best to hold on to the magic every year, but i never looked at my mother like a monster. i wished to hold on to the spark and joy and believe again.

i'm struggling. with various opinions from the people i love concerning this very touchy topic. christmas. in my house, that word is taboo. christmas for us is hard. we don't have our little girl every year. some people tell me i'm not fighting hard enough for her, but i know in my heart she should have an equal experience with her father and mother during the holiday. it would be selfish for me to hoard her, especially during such a magical time. i pride myself on being fair, for her sake.

does it kill me? of course. but i react on an explosive basis. it probably won't upset me until i stub my toe or i can't find my bank card--but once i start crying, all my frustrations tumble out. and you can bet then a part of me will be crying because i won't be sharing christmas eve with the one girl i love the most in this entire world. 

but the day of the year doesn't matter.

we don't care what day easter falls on... or any other holiday for that matter--those days are subject to change. sure, it may sting that other families are celebrating on this day, but behind closed doors--who knows who is truly happy? the media can display a wonderful image of the world coming together happily on one day of the year, but in reality, how many of us are truly happy? the world holds it's dark secrets as those of us celebrate--there are those who are hungry, those who are cold, those who are lonely, those who are struggling to stay together and those who are unhappy. those of us who are on the other side of this pain shouldn't get down because our loved ones can't be with us. i have an entire year in which i spend days and days with the ones i love. they are safe. they are alive and healthy. thank god.

if anything, christmas should be a day in which we make a commitment to our families for the next coming year--a commitment of quality time, conversation and connection. a commit to love and cherish the moments we are together. not of anything else material. i may have my little girl this christmas, and i may not have her the next. some people spend christmas alone. but i cherish the days that my family are with me. and for that, i will smile on christmas. i will thank God for having them in life. because my family is everything to me and i am blessed to have them in my life.

i love you jeff. i love you baby girl. i love you mom and dad (both of you). i love my sisters. and i love my brothers.

the best day

So since I wrote last and told the world I was off to have a good day... what a great day I had. It had the potential to be a really terrible day, but I guess that only proves how the battle is either won or lost in your mind.

First, we left for the book store to play with the trains. It's quite a drive. By the time I was halfway there I realized I forgot my stomach medication. 1st problem. When I got home, she fell asleep. 2nd problem. I tried to take her out and put her back to sleep in bed but we just cuddled for ten minutes and she felt better. I actually enjoyed it--a lot. Went back out to the truck and it started to pour.  3rd problem. And it poured.

Any other day, I would have been so frustrated by this point that I would have given up.
But as I said, I was dead set on having an eventful, fun day.

Thankfully, the LG's rain boots were in the truck. All was well. We played with the trains. I followed her around the store as she pushed a basket (for an hour). I enjoyed a peppermint mocha. Mmm. Lunch time we shared nuggets and fries at McDonalds--LG had a smoothie, no worries, even though a smoothie from McDonalds is still skeptical in my books. She spent her time in the play room sliding. Labeling the colors on the walls. Giving me hugs. We went to the Grocery store. I didn't even stick her in the cart. She held on to the cart. She helped me push it. She ran around the store and I chased her. Every time we went outside she jumped in puddles for about 15 minutes.

My day was hectic and busy. It was not relaxing. However...
Letting her go helps her grow, teaches her to help Mommy, and let's her play (while I'm doing errands). Everyone wins and she's happier. Puddle jumping is fun and it only takes an extra five minutes off of the day--well worth it. Learning to share with the other kids while playing with the trains is challenging--but beneficial. Watching her attempt to help me buy groceries--hilarious and heart warming.
All more difficult and time consuming--and all more fun.

It's the little things that count.

I have to say something: the word "strict" has such a negative connotation.
It's okay to be strict. I want my little girl to have good manners, listen to me and stay close to me.  Respect me. However, I also want her to play, to live, to laugh, to explore and enjoy her life.
These are two very different things and when you nail them down, you begin to see how life can be magical.

Guess shoes, Levis jeans, F21 top, Garage coat, Armani watch
My outfit consisted of something comfortable and easy (I wore cowboy boots instead). I'm disappointed in the quality of this sweater--once I washed it, a little hole formed in the fabric near the seam. I hand-washed it in cold water. What terrible quality! I normally expect this from F21 clothes...after the 10/20th time washing (not the first).

Katya from this time is a charm wrote about how sometimes she does things in her life specifically for her blog--what do we take away from this? Are we blogging about our lives or are we planning our life around our blogs? And if so, is that deceptive? Are we pretending to live a glamorous life by taking a detour to a beach to take photos? All I can say is this: I suppose it depends on what you blog about. If I blog about living positively, there's nothing bad that can come out of it.

xo,

Courtney

cheers to a lovely (pee-filled) weekend

Outfit details: Gap Skinnies, F21 Shoes & Scarf, Basic White-T underneath
Trench bought at Wilson's Leather Outlet (bought @ 35$--originally 180$)

A few things about my weekend:

- Enjoyed a LOVELY afternoon with my Dad. It was fabulous. I hope next Sunday is the exact same: we visited Aunt Nikki, had lunch at our favorite restaurant that has the most awesome toy room with trains and Dora VHS (haven't seen them in YEARS), then played with the train set at the book store. I bumped into Jeff's co-worker's wife Stephanie who said we should make plans! I got a little excited(!!!) because I loved spending time with them at the baby's Halloween party.

- The end of our wonderful Sunday was not as fun. I now have to wash the pee out of my military jacket. Here is what I tweeted (for those of you that don't follow me on twitter):

What I learned today: always check to see if you have a diaper before you complete the diaper changing process. Disaster. Pee everywhere.

- Rushed home to put the little missy in the bath, had a late supper, snuggled in bed. I got so much love. I got three hugs while snuggling. Oh my goodness. There is absolutely NOTHING cuter than the feeling of little itty bitty arms around your neck giving you a huge squeeze. I swear to God. My life feels complete. I don't know what I am going to do when she moves out. Probably remember these moments and cry a little. Okay maybe a lot.

- Enjoyed a non-fat no-whip peppermint mocha...in a Christmas cup! Shame on me for enjoying Christmas consumerism but I just can't help it. The little red cups just warm my heart. I get so happy when I see them.

- The little girl started calling her Dad's fiance Mommy. She's been calling Jeff Daddy for a while now. I asked his fiance whether she's done it before since I only heard it for the first time on Saturday and she said she had done it "a few times". I just hope it came out of my little girl's mouth first--if that was the case, I have nothing but joy for both of them. It's definitely more magical hearing her say it when it comes out of her own will--I remember being totally shocked hearing her call Jeff Daddy. She'll decide what she wants to do when she's old enough to make up her own mind anyway. Jeff and I say if she wants to start calling Jeff by his name, then that's fine. We just want it to be her choice. I sincerely hope we're all together on that decision. Either way, she'll have two Moms and Dads her whole life... so trusting these people stay in her life, it's a beautiful thing.

- I find it ridiculous that I'm fearing to post the previous paragraph. I haven't said anything wrong. If anything, I've been very accepting and honest. Speak up if you disagree!

- Cleaning up my state of a room. Here's what I've done so far: wiped out my closet of clothes I don't wear (too short, too small, worn out, untouched, not my style anymore), put it in the spare room for my friends to pick through, moved summer clothes to a different section, removed clutter. I plan to: make a box for clothes too small, clothes too big and clothes that need to be altered. Really, what is the point of keeping those items with the other stuff? If I don't want to let it go, it should be boxed up until it can be worn again.

- Question: Does it matter where I drop off my unwanted clothes? There's a few options. The Diabetes Clothes bank, the salvation army clothes bank... I think we have a bank for single Mom's too somewhere but I don't know where it is. Anyone know anything about this? Where's the safest place to drop it so that it will get into someone's hands that will really use it?

How was your weekend?! Did you do anything special? Anything reminding you (or making you excited!) about Christmas?

xo,
Courtney

recap of halloween 2011

So the little girl's Halloween party was a success--even if she did spend most of her time with another little girl watching Toopy and Binoo in a separate room. How funny is that? Very rarely is my house filled to the brim with kids so I guess she needed little breaks--she would go socialize for a few minutes then go take a break. God love you, baby. You're the sweetest.

We had cake and treats. Sadly, there was so much left over. My poor diet.

My favorite story from this party (and Jeff would agree) has to be when my perfectly-mannered little princess wanted to walk past a little girl who was blocking her way--"excuse me", she said.  She waited. She gave her a look. "Excuse me" she said, a little louder. Waited. Then she nearly screamed excuse me and moved her out of the way! Oops. At least she was polite?

As I'm noticing now, the pictures look very princess themed, but I assure you, there were other costumes: to name a few... cookie monster (in a tutu), a ladybug, another ladybug, a sheriff and a fairy. My costume cost me 0$ so call me creative. Pretend you don't see my little belt loops poking out. Can you guess who I am?! Someone called me a maid and I was a little sad. Maybe more thought will go into the costume next year! Sorry guys, I'm not one who plans weeks in advance for Halloween!

This brings us to the night of trick or treating! As you see below, we were practicing. I was giving her treats to put in her pumpkin once she said "trick or treat". Little did I know, that was all the trick or treating she was going to get to do all night...because she passed out in the car. Jeff lifted her out of the car, thinking she would wake up ready to go--instead she started talking in her sleep about trains. Hilarious. I've never heard her talk in her sleep--ever. There's a first for everything!

Leopard Scarf - last year, F21
Satin Ruffle Top - Gift
Hot Pink Skinny Jeans - F21

I just typed 2010 in the title of my post...then checked the calender--oops. Anyone else feel like their life is flying by? I can't believe my little girl's birthday is so soon. Where has my time gone? It's funny. It feels so short yet I can't picture my life without her.

Photos of the trip to come! Just in case you're wondering what I've been wearing lately (you probably shouldn't start a sentence that way), it's been a toss up between 1) jeans and Aeropostale hoodies and 2) if I need to look presentable, an outfit similar to the one shown above! The pink pants and leopard scarf--not the Belle costume.
xo,
Courtney

lovely lists

TEN* LITTLE THINGS I COULD LIVE VERY UNHAPPILY WITHOUT:

1. Nachos, pepsi, tea, chips. All of these equally excite me.
2. Parchment Paper.
3. My little pad of paper that sits next to my oven. I have the memory of an 80 year old woman with Alzheimer's.
4. Automatic windows and locks in vehicles. I don't know about you, but I hated rolling up and down windows.
5. Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Dryer. Enough said.
6. Office/Craft supplies. I am addicted to organizing. The act of. Staying organized is what I am bad at.
7. The super soft cuddly warm blanket that is always next to the couch.
8. Ugly pajamas.
9. My sense of hearing.


ONE THING I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT: I couldn't live without my family.

FIVE THINGS THAT MAKE ME LOVE AUTUMN:

1. My non-fat no-whip pumpkin spice latte... nothing beats it.
2. The colors.
3. Going for a walk on a brisk windy day and watching as the leaves fall off the trees.
4. Fall accessories. Scarves and tights and mittens and hats and BOOTS!
5. The pumpkin patch pictures. Every mother knows.



ONE THING THAT MAKES ME HATE AUTUMN: Bittersweet memories.

YOUR TURN:  
Tell me one little thing that you couldn't live without!














Okay... REALLY RANDOM, BUT I have to include this video.
This is Derek and Ricki Lake on Dancing With The Stars. Please don't laugh or stop reading. I don't usually post about this sort of thing (and I don't normally post lists of stuff, who am I kidding) but this video is so touching. And she looks breathtaking.

Skip to 1:55 to see her gorgeous outfit & the heartfelt dance about falling in love with the person she seeing now.

The song is Gravity by Sarah Barielles--one that really means a lot to me and holds a lot of personal weight. I may record this, actually...
xo,
Courtney



P.S. Today I took outfit posts that I hope will empower you to feel beautiful. They really mean a lot to me: I hope you'll check back. For now, in case you missed it, you can click over to Pop! of Style to see my blogger of the week post.

*About this... well, Jeff knows.

sunrise

I was up before sunrise this morning. That said, watching the sun rise is beautiful. I remember being a little girl and waking up my sister to sneak outside with me. We would run down to the park (shown here, here, and here) with everything but the kitchen sink: snacks, blankets, paper and pens--we could have had a survival kit, who knows. We'd run down to the park, cross the current that meets the ocean, climb the hill (we thought it was a mountain) and set up at the top. Then we would wait. My senses remember everything so clearly. The dewy morning chill on my skin. Watching the colors bleed into the sky, watching as one would lean and turn into the next. The sun, as it peeps out over the flat ocean, and it's rays. I loved the feeling of the first ray on my skin, warming me like a first kiss.

As I typed that, it literally just happened; the sun just peeped out over the trees. It makes writing this all the more awesome.

It's funny... That seemed like such an adventure when we were young, and now, I long to live from one moment to the next instead of meticulously worrying about tomorrow. Oscar Wilde says, and we should all listen carefully, life is too important to take seriously.

All of this stemmed from trying to think of a title that related to me being up at 5:30AM with a sick little girl. She got the sniffles and sneezies last night and I was praying she didn't get sick, but alas, it happened. It's a sin--she just got over a cold not too long ago. That said, it's better she get it over with now, because we're going to Florida in a few weeks and I wouldn't want her to be sick on our trip.

Here's the outfit I wore to work Saturday. I always wish to dress up more since my job allows so much flexibility, but on this day I teach a Kindermusik class so it's difficult to dress up while dressing for a music and movement class with newborns... I affectionately call it musical baby aerobics. Actually, I've never called it that before, but today I'll start.

Outfit details:
La Posh Style Cowboy Boots
Forever 21 jeans, tribal tunic, cable chain bracelet, tribal necklace & earrings
Urban Planet jean jacket

Maegan always tells me not to wear denim on denim because it looks too much like a tuxedo. Agreed, somewhat, unless you want to look like you're wearing a denim tuxedo, then of course you're fine. I figured since I'm wearing two different colors of denim, and my tunic has a pink/light blue print, the jacket on top would compliment my top and the jeans would stand on their own. What do you think?

I'm SO sorry to my readers whose comments are being flagged as spam... I've pulled them out, but if it keeps happening I might ditch Disqus. Any way to fix this? It's so annoying!
On a brighter note, I have a hilarious out take for you tomorrow :)

Courtney

in the 1/3 stretch

I'm a third of the way done my 30 days of outfit posts with the same thirty items. It is starting to make me hate some of my clothes. Others, I love.










Outfit details:
F21 dress, F21 jewelry, Garage white jeggings, Spring shoes.


I went to the house I grew up in today. It was the biggest disappointment I've had in a while. The entire place is overgrown and ratty. Here used to be my playhouse.





This used to be the concrete block my Dad put down, where he let us mash our hands into it, and the end result was beautiful. My dad's, my brother's and my hand were all next to each other on the bottom of the patio. It's either worn by time or they removed it. The people living there refused to let us take it when we moved. We even offered to replace it for them for nothing. We wanted it because my Dad passed away ten+ years ago. Now I can't even get a picture of it.


I have a surprise for you guys. Music post tomorrow. I'm excited. Singing Someone Like You--it won the poll :)

See you then!
xo,
Courtney