Thursday, July 25, 2013

the war on myself

I have always endured a battle with make up.
Only recently have I noticed that that battle is with myself. 

When I feel like I am worth the time to spend on "me", I am eager to pamper myself for the 10 minutes it takes to put make up on. But there are so many days that I wake up feeling distraught and ugly and I lack the motivation to do something for myself. This is a problem.

I don't want to hide behind make up. 

I want to be happy, content with my body, confident in my abilities, full of motivation, eager to spend time with my family. 

But some days I struggle. When I think negatively, everything I want starts to crumble into some form of "me" that I don't recognize. This triggers a battle in my mind that I must fight; I am worth looking pretty. I am worth feeling confident. I am worth the time it takes to get up in the morning and have a brilliant day, to experience it to the best of my ability.

All this time I thought I had a grudge against this industry. I thought make up would take away a natural beauty that our society hasn't accepted. I wrote about it here, where I posed barefaced, trying to convince myself that I didn't need make up to feel confident. 

The truth is that the problem is an inner object that I have been avoiding, 
and now that I have found it, I hope to change it. 
So I can fight to be this confident woman every day:

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I figured I'd post these because they are LOVELY (thank you Julia Dunne) and they look so professional! Who am I kidding? It's been three days and I miss the show like crazy. I swear after this I may stop talking about it. Maybe not. It really did change my life. I've been asked if people can take my blog at face value and yes, you most certainly can. I'm not trying to puff anything up or be something I'm not. This show really changed my life. I'm not saying it to be a drama queen... I sincerely mean that. Maybe I'll write more about that another day... Here are some pictures:

And I have to add this because it makes me laugh every time I look at it...great happy memories...
My tired, happy face:

I'm seriously thinking about doing some outfit photos...

Thursday, November 15, 2012

the big day

Tomorrow marks the debut of my first...
1. Musical
2. Lead role
3. Performance at the ACC

I will love every single moment of it. My dreams are coming true! How cheesy does this sound? But it's true...

These are some snaps from our dress rehearsal. Thank you Kyle McDavid! They are going to serve me well as reminders of how much fun I have had over the past few months. I feel so blessed that we've been able to work on this show for so long and grow so close with each other. I don't want to come across as a dramatic theatre kid, but this show has changed my life.

I feel more confident. That always happens in things like this--the more you do it, the more you believe in yourself, the more you learn, the more you grow. The closer you get with the cast. And do we ever have a special cast--in so many ways. This has been a journey of courage for me. If I were to be totally selfish, I would say this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have so many people to thank--mainly the people who have made it possible for me to do this (like my family; Jeff and my parents and siblings and other sitters and my daughter, who I love so much, yet have had to be away from quite a bit). I'm so blessed and honored and humbled to be given this opportunity! It's all I have ever wanted. I remember seeing the stage for the first time since I got the role and breaking down into tears because my heart felt so full that I didn't know what else to do. I've missed doing what I'm doing now and I feel at home here.

Tomorrow is going to be a day I will never forget.

I feel very prepared. Ready. Excited. Fireworks!

Congrats to the folks who won the two tickets to the show tomorrow! Opening Night! Can't wait to see you there. For those of you who have tickets--thank you for supporting me and enjoy the show! For those of you who would like to buy tickets, you can purchase them here!

I'll leave you with this! Everybody Cut Footloose!


Footloose at the Arts and Culture Centre from Kathryn Lear on Vimeo.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

i won't give up

I recorded this a while ago, but I'm realizing that I haven't posted it here! How did this happen!

Anyway, Tim Matson (our wonderful director) has been taking pictures of the rehearsal process on his phone and posting them to Twitter so I want to share them and personally document my experience. I'm having the time of my life. Seriously.
Orderin' some burgers... y'know...
Dancing for HERO!
I find this picture hysterical. I look rotted. I swear, we like each other ;)
Being taught how to play solitaire by Mark (Rev Shaw)... yes, this happened...
There were tears involved (due to laughing, not crying)
Girl Gets Around - ZSM hitting some crazy lovely notes
Interrupting the McCormack family photo time...
Simon (Willard), myself (Ariel) and Philip (Ren)
Thank you to Tim for documenting this experience for me! We have the most wonderful cast. Rehearsals are so, so fun. I am on cloud nine. Pst, for my fashion friends... I was super excited when I got my new mustard cardigan... I was looking everywhere for one with a specific color in mind and I found it at Joe Fresh. That place never ever disappoints me! I also found two trapeze cardigans there today which I'll have to post soon. Mark (who plays Rev Shaw/my dad in the play) gave me a lovely compliment about my photography that made me miss my hobby so maybe I'll let it inspire me to snap some photos if I ever get a chance.

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