Thursday, July 25, 2013

the war on myself

I have always endured a battle with make up.
Only recently have I noticed that that battle is with myself. 

When I feel like I am worth the time to spend on "me", I am eager to pamper myself for the 10 minutes it takes to put make up on. But there are so many days that I wake up feeling distraught and ugly and I lack the motivation to do something for myself. This is a problem.

I don't want to hide behind make up. 

I want to be happy, content with my body, confident in my abilities, full of motivation, eager to spend time with my family. 

But some days I struggle. When I think negatively, everything I want starts to crumble into some form of "me" that I don't recognize. This triggers a battle in my mind that I must fight; I am worth looking pretty. I am worth feeling confident. I am worth the time it takes to get up in the morning and have a brilliant day, to experience it to the best of my ability.

All this time I thought I had a grudge against this industry. I thought make up would take away a natural beauty that our society hasn't accepted. I wrote about it here, where I posed barefaced, trying to convince myself that I didn't need make up to feel confident. 

The truth is that the problem is an inner object that I have been avoiding, 
and now that I have found it, I hope to change it. 
So I can fight to be this confident woman every day:

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