Friday, September 30, 2011

the battle is either won or lost in your mind

OUTFIT DETAILS: Military Jacket - Garage; Sequin Tank - Dynamite; Everything else - F21
MISFIT: I've never worn this skirt before. I took tags off it to wear it. I've had it for months.
VERDICT: I love it. Though I wish it were more structured.

As I was driving home from work, I felt amazing: motivated, confident, brilliantly inspired--and thought "there is something so wrong with this".

I wasn't able to enjoy what I was feeling in the moment because I knew it would slip through my hands like water. A fleeting moment. But... it didn't have to be a mere instant of magic. I'm capable of living that way every day.

If I can feel that good about myself in such a moment of solitude--it means I really believe: I know I can do great things; I know I can be better; I know when I work hard I am capable of anything. I am motivated. I can persevere. 

The problem arises when I feel the exact opposite and apply the same rule: I think, therefore I believe, therefore it must be true. If I walk around thinking about all the negative things I am, then I'm going to exert that behavior. Who wants that?

Are we our thoughts? Is what we think who we are?

I think freedom comes in accepting that a thought is merely a thought. That makes it neither true nor untrue.
Perhaps I thought I was ugly. Just because we think we are ugly, doesn't mean we aren't completely beautiful.
Just because I think people may not like me has no merit on whether they actually do. Thinking I'm stupid isn't a valid IQ test. If I do something wrong, it doesn't make it right if I can think of a thousand ways to justify why I did it. And the list goes on.

I guess that goes both ways. Should I believe that I am able to achieve my dreams just because I think it?

History can tell you that the human race is powerful when determined. Helen Keller was an inspiration to everyone, yet I'm sure she had to push herself to be all that she knew she could be (in ways we can't even imagine). I'm sure that she had days that she had to battle her own negative thoughts. But the power lies in being able to combat them. To choose what to believe in your mind, and what to ignore.

During the drive home, I truly had a moment I thought I could conquer the world... and then it started. It's as if two sides of me were fighting each other, one fully supporting me and the other tearing me down. It can't be that way anymore.

Because when you do have a blissful moment where you feel like you can do anything, you should smile and remember every precious second of it. Because you need to revisit that moment and recreate it. Defend it. Until you do wear that dress that you thought you couldn't wear. Or you ask out the person you've had your eye on. Or you start blogging. Or you ... who knows. What is holding you back from that voice in your heart that's been speaking to you?

Give yourself permission to love you again.


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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment; I really appreciate it. I do my best to follow up on each one.
xo Courtney

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